While You Wait...

Meet the Authors!

Eric and Mitzie Tibbets live in Virginia with their four children, two biological and two adopted (trust us, there is no difference!) They were married 20 years ago in Pattaya Beach, Thailand and have lived and travelled all over, compliments of the United States Navy. Eric and Mitzie serve the Living Savior and were forever changed by the Miracle of Adoption.

Seek, Serve, Share

A few years ago, my church developed an enduring strategy that is expressed in the following phrase:

“Building mature followers of Jesus Christ who
seek Him constantly, serve Him faithfully, and share Him boldly.”

While you wait, I encourage you to consider how best to invest the time.  We have daily choices with the limited resource called time.  And while it is often said that time is money, it seems that there is at least one important difference.  With money, I see three common choices.  We can spend money on goods and services, we can invest money for various rates of return and some save money by simply putting it under the mattress.  So it seems to me that most people take one of those three routes with money.

How, then, is it with time?  If time is money, as the saying goes, we should have the same three choices, I would think.  While we can spend time on all manner of things, we can invest time in pursuits of enduring value; I have yet found any way to “save” time.  Think about all the” time-saving” means that have developed in your lifetime.  Do you have any more time on your hands?  The first “time-saving” device in recent memory was the fax machine.  It came about in the late 80’s.  And we’ve had a plethora of new, time-saving contraptions ever since.  As I watch people send text messages while driving, I wonder if even that extreme choice actually saves any time!
Our choices then with the limited time resource we have are to spend it or to invest it.  Saving time is a misnomer, I submit.  Let’s not be spenders but investors and invest the time waiting on adoption for God’s glory.

In the next three segments (and with the permission of Immanuel Bible Church in Springfield, VA), you might consider how you can invest the time becoming a mature follower of Jesus Christ by seeking Him constantly, serving Him faithfully and sharing Him boldly.   

Seek Him Constantly

The phrase “Seek Him Constantly” describes the attitude that a believer in Christ should have toward God that results in a deepening desire to know Him, to love Him, and to follow Him.  It is a personal commitment that the believer makes in response to God’s love.  Because God loved us and evidenced that love through the gift of His Son, Jesus Christ, we as believers make a conscientious response to deepen and mature in our relationship with Christ.  A common term found in the New Testament that describes this attitude is becoming a “disciple” or follower of Christ. 

A disciple of Christ understands that he or she has been given salvation from sin as a free gift from God through faith and by placing his trust in Jesus Christ alone.  A disciple recognizes that the death of Christ is the full payment for his sin and that there is nothing he can do to win the favor of God.  Christ’s death on the cross fulfilled all that was required by God – no other work is necessary or sufficient.  A disciple can begin to more fully appreciate the fact that he has been made alive by God, and is no longer a slave to sin.  As a follower of Christ, he is empowered by God’s Spirit to live a life of spiritual growth and ministry, of love and good works.

Protection: A Third Reason for Marriage

In the recent movie, “Fireproof,” we see a couple going through struggles that many marriages encounter.  One of the most compelling impediments in their plight is the husband’s addiction to internet pornography.  He, in effect, sheds his God-given protection granted through his wife, and dives headlong into an inferno.  He strips his sexual shield and sprints to sexual destruction.

It’s a well-done depiction, suitable for most audiences, of the third reason for marriage.  Sexual protection is a crucial element of a Christian marriage and both a blessing and a shield.  In “Reforming Marriage,” Douglas Wilson lists this last of three biblical reasons for marriage.  Recall we discussed the first two, helpful companionship and godly children.  He says,

“So the first two purposes of marriages mentioned above are not necessarily related to the presence of sin.  But the third reason why Christians should marry is connected to the presence of sin and temptation.  The apostle Paul states it this way:

‘But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.  The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. (1 Cor 7:2-3)’”

Scripture describes the protection in passages that provide practical guidance along with comfort.  And let’s never lose sight of the joy God intended for sexual intimacy in marriage.  From the rich doctrine of the one-flesh relationship to the romantic celebration we read in the Song of Solomon to the idea of physical “ownership” depicted in 1 Corinthians 7, God clearly provides all we need as a covering, both for our good and for His glory.

I was recently asked by a man I’ve been discipling, “Exactly how does one rejoice in the wife of his youth?” Wow, what a laser-guided question!  He asked me months ago and I’ve been challenged by it ever since.  Somehow, my first response to that question remains my best, at least as I understand it.   Take a look at Proverbs 5 verses 15 through 23:

15Drink water from your own cistern
         And fresh water from your own well.
    16Should your springs be dispersed abroad,
         Streams of water in the streets?
    17Let them be yours alone
         And not for strangers with you.
    18Let your fountain be blessed,
         And rejoice in the wife of your youth.
    19As a loving hind and a graceful doe,
         Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
         Be exhilarated always with her love.
    20For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress
         And embrace the bosom of a foreigner?
    21For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the LORD,
         And He watches all his paths.
    22His own iniquities will capture the wicked,
         And he will be held with the cords of his sin.
    23He will die for lack of instruction,
         And in the greatness of his folly he will go astray.

 

My first response was to say, “Drink her in.  Enjoy her beauty and marvel at her feminine shape.  Let her satisfy your eyes fully and often.”   While that first response can surely use much improvement, I think there is a compelling physical, visual and sexual element of the path to joy in a marriage, the means to rejoice.  The more I read this passage (which was the root of my friend’s question) the more I see practical steps to sexual protection. 

I find it interesting to see how many times “your” is mentioned and then the word, “her.”  What is hers is yours and vice versa.  Sexual protection in a marriage is exclusive and mutual.

“In order to provide satisfactory protection, sexual relations with a spouse should not be infrequent.  There needs to be quantitative protection, particularly for the husband.  At the same time, the benefit of sexual relations should not be measured merely in terms of frequency or amount.  There needs to be qualitative protection, particularly for the benefit of the wife.” (Douglas Wilson, emphasis mine.)
Husbands, while you wait on adoption, rejoice in the wife of your youth (no matter how old you were when you got married!).  Drink her in and let God completely cover you with His protection.  Wives, let God protect you as you celebrate God’s plan for oneness and your mutual need for His covering. 

“Heavenly Father, show us how to rejoice in each other and find refuge in your protection.  Before we can protect our children, we must be protected by You.  Thank You for our marriage and its shield of protection against sin and temptation.  May we celebrate often and well, honor You with our sexual relationship and may we never die from lack of instruction.  Instruct us Lord with Your timeless word and Holy Spirit.  In Christ’s Name, amen.”

Marital Unity: Godly Children

Godly children; a second purpose for marriage.  Last time, we introduced the first purpose of marriage, helpful companionship.  Let’s take a look at what one author (Douglas Wilson) lists as the second of three biblical purposes for a Christian marriage.  It would only make sense for an adoption forum to discuss the topic of children in a marriage.  The very reason that many adopt is to fulfill this clear purpose.

“But did He not make them one,
Having a remnant of the Spirit?
 And why one?
 He seeks godly offspring.
 Therefore take heed to your spirit,
 And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.”  Malachi 2:15 (NIV)

In the last book of the Old Testament, we read what some Bible commentators consider the hardest verse in Malachi to translate.  Malachi 2:15 has application to Abraham, Israel and marriage.  And whether national unity or marital unity is in view, clearly, God is concerned about the unity of His people.  And why was God concerned about the unity of His people, whether nations or marriages?  Because “He seeks godly offspring.”  Unity is required for godly offspring.

While you wait, consider how you will raise godly children.  We must first realize that there is no such thing as godly offspring, godly children at birth.  Whether biological or adopted, children are NOT godly at birth.  So this second purpose of marriage, the raising of godly children, does not, I believe, have in view a distinction between adopted children or biological children.  As a dad, I see the very same ungodly sin patterns in my two adopted children as we saw in our two biological children.  Exactly the same!

Scripture clearly teaches that all are born with the same defect, the same inherited flaw of sin.  Raising godly children then must first address the sin condition.  When I met my youngest daughter in a Russian orphanage, I shared the gospel with her.  Though it was in the only language I know (English) and in one she did not understand, I knew it was my job to preach the gospel to her from the earliest opportunity.  I hope to lead her in the prayer of salvation as we daily bathe her in the truth of Scripture.

A great resource for your consideration is a book I recently read by Ray Comfort.  It is called, “How to Bring Your Children to Christ & Keep Them There…avoiding the tragedy of false conversion.”  I love the subtitle.  I cannot imagine, short of losing a child, a parent’s greater fear than a child’s false conversion.  This is a handy and well-written guide but I caution you that it hits hard on the disease of sin and expertly teaches how to use the Ten Commandments as a tool to expose the need for Grace, the need for a Savior. 

God desires a godly offspring.  All children, adopted or biological, left to their own designs will choose sin, defeat and destruction.   It is only when godly parents, through the power of the Holy Spirit and the truth of the Bible, commit to confronting their children’s sin nature and teaching them diligently will godly offspring result. 

Lastly, and as a reminder, the strength and unity of the marriage is key to raising godly offspring:
“The prophet Malachi states, as a means to that end, the importance of treating our wives with honor.  If a man is treacherous to his wife, it will clearly have a negative effect on the children.  Godly children are not said to give purpose to parenting, but rather they are a purpose of marriage.”—Douglas Wilson, Reforming Marriage.

Prayer:  “Dear God, I know that You desire godly offspring.  And it is only in first abiding as one in unity with You and abiding as one in unity in marriage can we see victory.  Just as I was born in sin, so are all offspring.  Show me how to lead my children to salvation.  Teach me how to teach them the power and penalty of sin while pointing them to the promise of the Cross.  You have ordained my marriage to be unified as one and to raise up a godly heritage.  Teach me to love, lead and cherish my wife.  May I find sufficiency in Your mighty Word and through the abiding presence of Your Holy Spirit.  In Christ’s Name I pray, amen.”

Marital Unity: Helpful Companionship

While you wait, your marriage will be tested.  No surprise, right?

Many are the trials on any marriage, newlywed to seasoned couple.  We survived lots of military separations including combat, pregnancies and childbirth along with the toils of forming a perfect union with two imperfect sinners.   But adoption brings unique pressures and challenges, I would submit.  We experienced stressors unlike any other in our 20 years of marriage and it seems that the evil one is bent on using adoption and the waiting process as a means to divide, as a means to discourage husband and wife.  I know we experienced attacks on our stamina, our motives, and our trust of each other.  And without a strong marriage to weather the storms, I see vividly how an adoption wait can wreak havoc on a weak foundation, tearing the marriage asunder.

In Douglas Wilson’s excellent book, “Reforming Marriage,” he lists three earthly purposes of marriage:  Helpful companionship, godly children and sexual protection. 

How Firm a Foundation?

A marriage that weathers the wait of adoption needs the firmest foundation.  Few “storms” in a marriage test its strength more vividly than the adoption journey. 
When we recall the well-known parable of the two foundations in Matthew 7, we read stark differences between the two men.  One man built his house upon the rock.  Another man built his house upon the sand.  But have you ever noticed the calamity that came upon both men was the same?  Verses 25 and 27 of Matthew, chapter 7 both begin:
“The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house…”
So Jesus taught that the storms will come and they will come with the same intensity, the same testing and the same certainty upon both men.  Both foundations, weak and strong, will see identical force.  The only difference in the outcome is the result of the integrity of the foundation.  Just about every time I’ve heard this parable taught, we focus on the foundations, perhaps rightly so.  But it is fascinating to me that the trials on both houses, on all foundations and, I submit, on all adoption journeys are the same.  The outcome is a matter of the stature of the foundation.
While you wait, consider your foundation.  This parable refers first to our salvation, I believe, and Christ is calling us to a firm foundation in Him, an immoveable faith that will weather any storm.  We must place our trust first in the finished work of Christ on the cross and His shed blood on our behalf.  He is the “Rock.”  Then we look to our other “foundations.”  I cannot imagine a more crucial foundation during the adoption journey than the foundation of the marriage.
God’s design for our marriage is founded upon purpose.  And in his excellent book, “Reforming Marriage,” Douglas Wilson outlines three purposes of marriage.  Those three purposes are:
Helpful companionship
Godly children
Sexual protection

We’ll take a look at each of these purposes and how we can understand them in the context of our marriage, how they strengthen our foundation.  While you wait, I encourage you to read the parable of the two foundations.  Consider your foundation.  The storms are coming and none will be spared.  It is only in the integrity of our foundations that we will stand the test.

Will Your Marriage Weather The Wait

We believe that the adoption wait comes down to two key elements:  Marital unity and financial stewardship.  That is, all the attributes of the wait can be “binned,” if you will, in these two broad elements.  During our adoption journeys, we found it beneficial to focus on these two areas most and tried to keep distractions at bay that might pull us away, cause us to drift.  The longer the wait, the riskier the drifting.  Not only do we drift from each other, we drift from God.  Only when we stay focused on the basics, can we keep our course.

But first, we need to review the most basic of basics…

First and foremost, husband and wife must be about prayer and the Word.  These are the ultimate “basics.”  We must seek God each day through personal time in the Bible and through prayer.  It’s been said that the Bible is how God talks to us and that prayer is how we talk to God.  Neither exists apart from the Holy Spirit, rather both are empowered by the Holy Spirit.   Both are daily disciplines.

Prayer

One of the shortest verses in the Bible gives us a clear command, “pray without ceasing”-- 1 Thessalonians 5:17.  Here we are commanded what to do and how to do it.  And I think that prayer and the Word must go together for either to be fruitful, especially if you share the view that they make up two elements of conversation with God (the third “element,” I submit, is the Holy Spirit).  Before I read the Bible, I pray that God would illuminate His Word, that I would be guided by the Holy Spirit and find God’s message for me to apply right away.  I pray that before I read the Bible, I would be forever changed by the eternal truths.  And, often I pray while I read the Bible that God would guide my understanding of a difficult passage.  Lastly, I pray after I read the Bible.  I’m not sure if this meets the command to pray without ceasing but it’s a start! 

Word

Read the Bible.  There is simply no other way to learn the heart of God and what He calls us to do.  While you wait, the Word of God is a mighty guide and comfort.  Some of the things I’ve done over the years have made Bible reading much richer, more meaningful and some have certainly fallen flat.  The biggest caution is to avoid huge, insurmountable goals.  Simply read the Bible each day.  Not the entire Bible or an entire book of the Bible.  Another approach that many use quite successfully but did not work for me is following a strict reading schedule.  I read the Bible each day but not using someone’s published schedule.  I understand that it works well for some. 
Devotional books and materials are great but I think they should be viewed as a supplement AFTER Bible reading.  That’s because devotionals are authored by a man (the Bible is inspired by the Holy Spirit, 2 Timothy 3:16) and topical in nature, dependent upon the views of the author (hey, that’s just like this blog!!)  So, depend upon the Bible first before any devotional, blog or other source of wisdom.

What to read in the Bible.

A simple plan is to read one chapter of the New Testament, five Psalms each day, one Proverb.   So, you might read Matthew 1, Psalms 1-5, and the Proverb based upon the day of the month.  That will get you through the Proverbs and Psalms each month (there are 31 Proverbs and 150 Psalms).   I like this approach because the New Testament teaches us about the revealed Christ, the Psalms address how we should relate to God and the Proverbs talk to our relations with fellow man. 

How to read the Bible.

Here is a template you might try; Observation, Interpretation, and Application: 
     Observation—“What do I see?”
     Interpretation — “What does it mean?”
     Application — “What am I to do?”

Okay.  Dig in and enjoy!

Are You Spiritually Naked?

With all the clothes to buy for your new little one, are you ignoring the most important “clothes” of all?

When we adopted Aleena from Russia, the orphanage workers took off all her clothes and handed her to us naked, literally.  They removed her worn, dirty, tattered clothes.  We then clothed her in new, pristine clothes from the promised land, America.  Only then could we take her into our home and into our family.  Only after we adorned her in her new clothing could we adopt her as our own.

In a strikingly similar manner, God adopted me.

“For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!"  Romans 8:15

“so that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons.” Galatians 4:5

“He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will,” Ephesians 1:5

But before He could adopt me, He changed my “clothes.”  Just as with our daughter, God did not accept me clothed as before.  You see, I was covered in filthy, tattered “clothes”, forever stained by sin.  God drew me to Himself, changed my heart and ripped away the stain of sin.  Through the gift, the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross, I was clothed in new, pristine “clothes” from the Promised Land, Heaven.  As I confessed my sins and repented, He faithfully cleansed me from all my unrighteousness. 

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

No doubt, you have a stack of new clothes awaiting your little one, your new child.  We sure did.  While you wait, consider first your “clothing” and whether you have taken the step of salvation. 

It’s kind of like the speech we get before the plane takes off.  Before we can assist another with his oxygen mask, we must first adorn ours.  That’s because if we focus on the child too much, we could lose sight of our perilous condition and not don our mask in time.  Then, not only are we doomed, but so is our helpless little one.  Much like the airplane in an emergency, before we can “clothe” our little one, we need to be properly attired.  So in an eternal, spiritual sense, until we acknowledge Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, how can we share the most important of good news with our little ones?

Just like we were not given Aleena as an adopted child with her old, dirty clothes, God will not accept us stained by sin.  We must be adorned in the perfect and complete sacrifice on the cross of Jesus Christ.

Share the Gospel, the Good News of Jesus Christ from the moment you first meet your little one until the moment he accepts the free gift of salvation and becomes adopted into his eternal family, the family of God!  While you wait, practice again and again the most important story ever told.

Tough Questions

In our adoption journey, we face tough questions.  And the tough questions come from many angles, catching us off guard at times.  Every form we fill out is loaded with questions.  But questions help get to the heart of the matter.  Ever notice how often and effectively Christ used questions during His ministry on earth?  It’s been said that Christians have too many answers and we’d be well served to ask more questions, as Christ did.  Perhaps the best question of all time was one that Christ asked Peter (and I believe Christ asks each of us):  “But who do you say that I am?” Matthew 16:15.

Well-meaning relatives ask questions that range from helpful to hurtful. 

Will My Adopted Child Obey Me?

It seems that all four of my kids struggle with obedience.  As just, merciful, patient and forgiving (sure!) I am, they still struggle.  And it causes me to wonder why they do.

Well, to the degree we all struggle with obedience, so will our adopted children.  Regardless of all that you do, the great sacrifices you make and the immense expense, your child will disobey you. 

While you wait, it’s a good time to contemplate how the parents’ obedience will impact the obedience of our children.  In the same fashion that a wife struggles submitting to her husband, a child struggles to obey his parents.  As like a husband struggles submitting to God, a child struggles to submit, to obey.  How do we break the chain of disobedience?

Scripture tells us that it all starts with dad.  Psalm 112: 1-2 says:
“1Praise the LORD!
         How blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
         Who greatly delights in His commandments.
    2His descendants will be mighty on earth;
         The generation of the upright will be blessed.”

Boy, do I stumble delighting greatly (or delighting in any fashion!) in the commands of God!  How I struggle to fear the Lord.  But look again at the promise that comes in verse 2: 
    2His descendants will be mighty on earth;
         The generation of the upright will be blessed.”

I submit that mighty descendants are obedient children.  And a blessed generation is made up of children who obey their parents.  Don’t miss the imperative:  It all starts with dad.

Dads, while you wait, commit yourself to fear the lord and greatly delight in His commands.  Surely, what God commands, God empowers!  Commit to pray for strength it takes to obey.

“Lord, teach me to fear You.  Teach me to delight greatly in Your commands.  Teach me to obey.  Lord, may my children see me obey, may they be blessed and mighty on the earth.  Lord God, it starts with me.  Give me strength to obey You.  Amen.” 

Do You Delight Greatly in the Commands of the Lord?

If you thought cheerful giving was a stretch, how does one delight in the commands of the Lord?  And not only delight in the Lord but do so GREATLY?

  1Praise the LORD!
         How blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
         Who greatly delights in His commandments.
    2His descendants will be mighty on earth;
         The generation of the upright will be blessed. (Psalm 112:1-2)

I want my children, adopted and biological to be mighty on earth.  Don’t you?  But even more important than that, I want them to be upright, a blessed generation.  And the greatest blessing is an eternal home in heaven, a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.  How will that happen?

Psalm 112 teaches me that there is a condition.  There is a role I play as father, as dad.  I must fear the LORD.  That sounds like a full-time job, sounds like a tall order.  But add to that how I am to delight in His commands.  To greatly delight.  How can I apply this to an adoption wait?  The more I study His commandments, the better I’ll know them.  And as I pray to delight, God will equip me.  So far, God has never commanded me without equipping me.

What a fruitful way to wait!  Start today to fear the Lord.  Pray for delight, to greatly delight.   And we can trust that He will bless the generation of the upright and that our descendants will be mighty on earth.